Grief and Loss
Life Changed in an Instant
You thought they would be there forever.
You never dreamed that you would be living your life without them.
Whether they were family or a dear friend, their absence is felt.
It will always be felt.
Nobody Says Their Name Around You Anymore
Somewhere in the first months, people stopped saying their name in front of you.
They meant it kindly, and they were afraid of setting you off.
The quiet does not spare you anything, because you are already thinking about them.
What went with them is the ordinary permission to bring them up.
How Do I Go On?
No one really gets over the death of someone they love.
What you can learn is how to be in this world without them.
Nothing in that asks you to let them go.
You Got No Warning, or You Watched It Come
A death that arrives with no warning takes the goodbye with it.
A long illness gives you the goodbye and takes months of watching in exchange.
The suddenness itself can be traumatic.
Neither one is easier than the other.
Talk About the Death, and About the Person You Lost
For two years I studied under the guidance of Camarillo Hospice.
The people I sat with were older men and women who had lost a spouse of fifty years, and young families whose loss came by suicide.
What I learned in those rooms is that it helps to talk about the death, and it helps to talk about the person.
Out loud, in a room where nobody changes the subject.
Keep the Memories Where You Can Reach Them
You have memories with that person.
Those live on long after your loved one is no longer here.
Part of the work is finding a way to honor them that you can actually keep.
Something you do, or say, or set out once a year, so the memories have a place to live.
Come Alone, or Bring Your Whole Family
If your loss is recent, or years old and you never took the time, or had the time, to talk about it, you are welcome to come.
Therapy here is for you.
Come on your own, with your partner, or with your entire family.
If getting to my office is a challenge, because of time or because of transportation, we can meet by video.
Call Me and Tell Me About Them
By yourself, or with everyone else who loved them, reach me at (805) 491-4429.
That first call takes fifteen minutes, and it is free.
We will talk about what therapy would look like, and about the person you lost.
I welcome you to come in, so you do not have to hurt as much as you do today.
Say the Thing You've Been Holding
Life is better lived free of hesitations, so you can be your authentic self, speak your mind, and be heard.
Start with a free 15-minute call. It's our time to talk briefly so we're less like strangers when we meet.
I am eager to meet you!
Let's Be Less Like Strangers